Fairbairn Cup Quiz

When our wonderful cox was asked to write a race report for Fairbairns she produced the following, and due to its brilliance I feel that it deserves a post of its own. Stick your answers in the comments below. (And apologies for the awful formatting - I'll set the webmaster on it when he returns.)

The M1 Fairbairn’s Quiz

1. It is the night before the race and your cox is offering to cook team dinner.  The protein to carb ratio is looking a little wrong though from the shopping list sent round.  There really should be more sauce than pasta on the plate at any one time.  Do you:
   1. Don’t question the cox.  She is wise.  Follow the set shopping list.
   2. Turn up to dinner with extra Bolognese to make up the deficit you expect on your plate.
   3. Ensure that much, much more mince is bought all round so that everyone can benefit from the extra meaty goodness.
       
2. Coach is insisting on performing a pre-race visualisation exercise.   Everyone lies down on the floor and relaxes.  It was a big dinner we just ate and Coach is talking very soothingly.  Do you:
   1. Fart.  Dinner was very meaty after all.
   2. Listen carefully and focus on how amazing we’re all going to be the next day.
   3. Fall asleep.
       
3. It’s race day and we’ve arrived at the boathouse.  Cox is insisting on winning the last game of hard chicken of the term, so we’ve got the boat in the water early and are getting the blades.  After a term of putting blades into the boat, do you:
   1. Get bored and pretend they’re really long lightsabers.  Accidentally hit Corpus.  Pretend it was Sidney.
   2. Put your blade in the wrong way around.  Really, really confuse people.  On purpose of course.
   3. Put your blade in your gate like a pro.
       
4. We’re marshalling.  You suddenly start to regret drinking all that water this morning.  It seemed wise at the time, but being new to Cam races you severely underestimated the amount of marshalling time needed before we were starting.  Things are getting more uncomfortable by the second.  Do you:
   1. Man up and wait to find a private bush at the end of the course.  The race will be tricky, but dignity will be saved.
   2. Put race performance above dignity.  Pee subtly into your water bottle with no one noticing.  Make a mental note not to drink anything out of it again for a while.
   3. Chat to the marshals. See if you have enough time to get to the pub and back.
       
5. It’s the race.  We’re aiming for gold.  Do you:
   1. Row the damn best you can.  Put all your term’s training and coaching  together and not leave one stone unturned in your efforts to do well.
   2. Row the damn best you can.  Put all your term’s training and coaching  together and not leave one stone unturned in your efforts to do well.
   3. Row the damn best you can.  Put all your term’s training and coaching  together and not leave one stone unturned in your efforts to do well.
       
6. It’s the end of the race, thankfully.  Everyone is happy with their efforts, but we’ll wait ‘til the results come out to see where we came.  For now, we’re double-parked on Clare and everyone wants to get out (see question 4).  After a quick call of nature, it starts to get a bit chilly down on the finish line.  Do you:
   1. Put all your kit back on and ignore the cold in a manly way.
   2. Decide to go for a jog to warm up.  4.3km is nothing.  You could run for another 10km if asked.
   3. Cuddle together with 7 on the bench underneath a space blanket.  He’s so special.
       
7. We’re about to row home, but need to climb back in over Clare’s boat with their help.  Clare already think we’re weird because we asked for such a long time gap between them and us.  However, they do have a ridiculously fit women’s boat.  Do you:
   1. Diffuse the tension by asking their women out on a swap.  Pimp out our W1 in return.  It’s now or never.
   2. Accidentally put your foot on something and break their boat.  But don’t tell them.  They might not notice.
   3. Ask why their women are so much fitter than their men.  Hope they get the joke.
       
8. We’re back at the boathouse and cleaning the boat down before putting it to bed for Christmas.  Cox is being ridiculously slow with the hose, so you take it off her.  M2 just happen to be having a photo-shoot right next to you.  They’re grouped together in an awfully tempting sort of a way.  Their cox in particular is looking vulnerable.  Do you:
   1. Ignore M2 and their cox.  Throw yours into the river instead.  She deserves it.
   2. Keep on cleaning the boat and minding your own business.  It’s cold and people don’t like getting wet.
   3. Give them the shower of glory they deserve.  Soak them all.  Pretend it’s champagne.  Ignore the cox protesting about her expensive coxing equipment.  It’s worth it.